I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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