Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
