You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
