Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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