Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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