we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
