her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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