Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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