8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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