Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
