I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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