i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
