end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
40s are totally the cure
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
