Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize