She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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