why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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