She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
