all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
