That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
