those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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