yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize