I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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