Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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