i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I smell like Dick and happiness
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
