I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
