just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
