You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
