Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
