Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
