So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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