i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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