i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
