I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize