i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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