absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
