I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Someone shit on the floor
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
