She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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