Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
