I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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