I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I touched a dick in church today
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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