You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
