I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
