I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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