Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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