I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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