So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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