i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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