wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
