i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
