We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
