you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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