i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
