i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
