so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got inside last night via doggy door
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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