The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Pappa wants mamma naked
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
