Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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